Monday, 21 January 2019

Bass, Breasts and Aliens?

I have a friend named bob I really admire as he has three things in life he loves and loves them unconditionally: Loud Bass, Big Breasts and Fishing. He is also the only man I have met in life who truly works to support his hobby, fishing (and is that not the dream?). In fact he will only work just long enough building and installing stereo systems to pay the bills and what he may need for the next fishing excursion. In the past he has even turned down playing with breasts so large they have their own gravitational pull on the sidewalk beneath them (and most men’s eyes) because they were interfering with his fishing tournaments. I have not gone on one of these trips with him even though he’s asked in the past (something I will have to remedy in the future) but every once in a while I will see his catches posted on social media – usually him holding the fish up or maybe the weight of the latest catch and I couldn’t help but wonder - Is this what Aliens do to people when they abduct them? (And no I’m not talking about your neighbor Hernandez) I mean do fish have the same out of body experience we do? We see a bright light, we get pulled toward it, next everything is a blur, the anal probe could be the removal of the lure? Maybe they value the fat ones like we do, you here “Nice catch Noblar he weighs 16.3 cobex, a new intergalactic record!” Maybe they support some sort of a catch and release system like what we got here on Earth, you know, true universal humanitarians. Before they let you go, more flashes of light as they hold you naked upside down by the ankles so they can send the pics back to their home planet in a postcard format with the title “Greetings from Earth!” stamped in the top left hand corner. They could tag you with some sort of tracking device - drop you off only so you can get picked back up again in like 20 to 30 years all the while keeping records of your social, hunting or mating habits. Maybe as a joke they whisper in your ear a date like “World is going end on June 25, 2040 due to cosmic rays penetrating the Earth through a hole in the ozone layer.” They have a good chuckle on the saucer ride home while knocking back a couple cold ones. Or maybe it’s to make their job easier when they come back to single you out as you will be the only one wondering around the Albertan wheat fields that day wearing a crudely made tin foil hat holding up a coat hanger fashioned in the shape of a Shepherd’s hook. Could be the reason some get abducted more than once. Just pray they don’t pick up any millennials….                

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