Sunday, 25 August 2013

Tales of A Maintenance Man #258

So I thought today was gonna be like any other day,
Fix some machines, eat some food, fix more machines, and go home.
Yes, today did start like any other, but wait, what’s this?
A call to the ace room?
Nay I say, the machines up there run like a doozy.
Aie, there was But one machine that did not.
Cryptic she be too the operators that swarmed like
Moths attracted to a flame.
What is this mysterious spell that has fallen upon #4?
We have not seen this before, maybe on goats but not this?
Have their eyes deceived them?
Was it Voodoo?
Alas! It was a box.
A mighty fine beast she was and mustered up a good fight,
But in the end it was just a box.

Nothing more.

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Calgary Expo '13

    Being a closet geek most of my life, I find it wonderful that someone out there has come up with the idea of Comic Con. A convention where your true inner nerd comes to life and the people around you could care less if you’re into Dungeons&Dragons, Doctor Who, or that you know all the songs from Kirk and Spocks Spaced out album. Better yet they might even embrace this fact and sing a few bars with you and a new friendship bond develops and you laugh and talk about it over a game of Cattan.

    Visiting the Calgary Expo (Canada's version of Comic Con) this past weekend, First thing you notice is how you’re immediately thrown into this universe of geekdom that covers everything from board games, to anime, from comic books to cosplay. Like all shows they get you ready by standing in line so you can then stand in a bigger line for hours, and hours at a time. It's like prepping an athlete for a contest. Although if you look in this crowd you might not see the finest, most fit specimens on the planet waiting in line to spend $10 on a burrito with extra cheese. But you will see a fat batman and his 8 year old son joker standing there checking out the powerpuff girls in front of them giggling about what celebrity their going to get their photo with next.

    I myself, like any of the thousand pubescent virgin males around me gawk at the wonderful women portraying their beloved characters in the least amount of clothing possible. Never has any of these cartoon characters ever looked so so good in so so little. I applaud their commitment to character and wished there was more troopers out there like them. The 33 year old me stays cool and collected on the outside, but the 16 year old in me is running around like a crazy person high on testosterone, Vodka and Red Bull, wearing nothing but body paint and shooting roman candles off inside my head. If only I had a real camera instead of this Sony camera phone BS that looks like my 6 year old nephew was taking the pictures. Everyone is either too far away, terrible flash, and out of focus. Just great. Hey is that Wolverine? Wait, wait, nope it's just some hairy bastard with posters in his hands...


    Walking down the aisles of the Comic book artists I always feel guilty. It's as if it feels like walking by a pet shop with a giant window and all the artists are the puppies on display, with their big, sad, puppy dog eyes looking at you for approval. Browsing their work and to keep on walking is almost like telling them "Hmmm you’re not bad, but that other guy's talent is better. I think I'll take his work home instead. Sorry. Maybe next year." Although that still doesn't stop some people from taking them all home at once, they're the real humanitarians of the convention.

     The Expo has many booths for every type of fan out there. I still do not understand the whole furry movement and I don't think I ever want to. I love animals but not to that extent. Sorry. And as much as I love Anime, my parents probably will never understand what it's all about and why I'm so into it. Maybe it's the fact you have to read it as well as watch it...or maybe it’s the fact that a grown married man such as myself is watching cartoons more than his children. I dunno. I'm just a sucker for Caucasian girls in skimpy clothing, with huge eyes and breasts that speak Japanese. I admit it. I have no shame.

    I also happened to drop by the Steampunk booth to check out all of the neat brass weapons and gadgets they had on display. It's a pretty big movement that's been growing in the last few years, But don't dare ask them what their all about or anything they are selling if you are not one of them. I don't know what makes them so stuck up or think they are above everyone else. But I do know that they have developed a way to make fat people fashionable. Who knew...?