Sunday, 24 February 2019

Polarized Portrayal

I dare say
The Poems of today 
Are dependent upon the use of sesquipedalian words
Created by those with degrees and the accolades that come with
To induce a higher degree of learning applied to their work,
When the equivalent can be accomplished
With a more minimalistic approach -
For instance:
My portrayal of a polar bear blinking in a snowstorm


Monday, 21 January 2019

Bass, Breasts and Aliens?

I have a friend named bob I really admire as he has three things in life he loves and loves them unconditionally: Loud Bass, Big Breasts and Fishing. He is also the only man I have met in life who truly works to support his hobby, fishing (and is that not the dream?). In fact he will only work just long enough building and installing stereo systems to pay the bills and what he may need for the next fishing excursion. In the past he has even turned down playing with breasts so large they have their own gravitational pull on the sidewalk beneath them (and most men’s eyes) because they were interfering with his fishing tournaments. I have not gone on one of these trips with him even though he’s asked in the past (something I will have to remedy in the future) but every once in a while I will see his catches posted on social media – usually him holding the fish up or maybe the weight of the latest catch and I couldn’t help but wonder - Is this what Aliens do to people when they abduct them? (And no I’m not talking about your neighbor Hernandez) I mean do fish have the same out of body experience we do? We see a bright light, we get pulled toward it, next everything is a blur, the anal probe could be the removal of the lure? Maybe they value the fat ones like we do, you here “Nice catch Noblar he weighs 16.3 cobex, a new intergalactic record!” Maybe they support some sort of a catch and release system like what we got here on Earth, you know, true universal humanitarians. Before they let you go, more flashes of light as they hold you naked upside down by the ankles so they can send the pics back to their home planet in a postcard format with the title “Greetings from Earth!” stamped in the top left hand corner. They could tag you with some sort of tracking device - drop you off only so you can get picked back up again in like 20 to 30 years all the while keeping records of your social, hunting or mating habits. Maybe as a joke they whisper in your ear a date like “World is going end on June 25, 2040 due to cosmic rays penetrating the Earth through a hole in the ozone layer.” They have a good chuckle on the saucer ride home while knocking back a couple cold ones. Or maybe it’s to make their job easier when they come back to single you out as you will be the only one wondering around the Albertan wheat fields that day wearing a crudely made tin foil hat holding up a coat hanger fashioned in the shape of a Shepherd’s hook. Could be the reason some get abducted more than once. Just pray they don’t pick up any millennials….                

Thursday, 6 December 2018

A dog named Jesus

If I ever get a new dog, I would name him Jesus. The sign on my fence would then say: "Beware of Jesus" or "Repent! For Jesus is near!" and if I ever lost him I could wonder around asking people if they have found Jesus, Or if they do find Jesus ask him to speak! For those that think this is blasphemous just remember, you can't spell God without Dog....

Tuesday, 23 October 2018

Tales of a Maintenance Man #67

The mighty hunters gather around, bewildered and awe struck -
Staring at the autonomous beast before them, trying to awaken the colossus from his slumber.
Confusion sets in, ideas thrown around - What is it waiting for? What does it need?
They pickup the handheld HMI and a try to decipher the text before them,
A consensus is thus formed that they, no it! May need a higher being
to command it to come to life, and provide them their daily provisions.
Some say a offering of goods,
The extremists say a ritual sacrifice,
The liberals want to pull the plug and raise the taxes -

NAY! To all of you I say:
"Do not panic, your chieftain has arrived!"
I unlatch the door to the metal enclosure the locals have surrounded it,
And I point out those closest to me the crudely made sign telling them to:
"Get back! Danger may befall upon to all yee who enter here"
I step in and a rush of air expels around me and I yell to the one armed beast "EASY BIG FELLA!"
Slowly I approach it one step, then another before carefully stretching out my hand -
Like one extends a hand to a stray dog,
And carefully pull the contracted bright red estop
Before I slink back the path I came in on
and seal the secured prison door
then push reset.

Nothing more
nothing less.

Friday, 21 September 2018

The Grateful Raven

Twenty six winters past; mine eyes stand still;
Hath not seen such beauty acquired then lost;
Camouflaged ‘mongst a bevy of swans ‘til -
Thy presence is reveal’d but at what cost?
Carousing, and loose morals are to blame,
And if thou; Desirae, look past black deeds
with open wings; haply trade sooth for shame;
This grateful raven shall obey thy needs.
Henceforth; erase days of yore - Didst Venus
conjure these wanton thoughts or parlor tricks?
I will forsake her celestial canvas,
But not so fond to fancy love’s eclipse.
Dost cast thy shadow upon nature’s reign;
Arise! Queen of swans; much to mother’s disdain.