Your Grandmother's Fan of Sadness

Ever wonder how pathetic your life has been up to this point, and that you have no imagination or couldn't be bothered to look online to find out there's literally 50k better and more modern contemporary fans made in the past 50 years than this one. But you saw this beauty one day in home Depot and thought "that's it, that's the one fan I've been missing out on my whole life, the one the misses would love me to bring home and hang in our dining room" so you can share the boring side of your personality turned  upside-down at 3 speeds of sadness, sipping your club sodas and talking about subjects that would make any woman dry up like the Sahara, all the while making you so soft a can of red bull and a whole pack of Cialis couldn't erect the 3/4" manila rope you should of bought instead down aisle 12 Bay 021 back at home Depot to hang yourself with instead of coming home with this brass monstrosity that makes the neighbor kids cry every time they come over because they live next to such a fucking loser. All 8 of them. Because they never heard of birth control and the rhythm method isn't working for Carol cause looking at her makes her pregnant. So go tell your neighbor to buy some condoms and then come over here and buy this fan or you buy it... Pussy, I dare you. 😏