Black Velvet Desire

As I enter the doorway,

Auditory perception quickly catches the vocals of Eartha Kitt singing “Santa Baby” down the hall,

Just as the olfactory organs catch the scent of Pink Sugar by Sephora,

Whisks away my senses on a journey down the hall filling them full of euphoria and delight, 

Landing in a bedroom lit by draped lampshades and flickering candlelight,

Bouncing off the most ravishing, statuesque figure these hazel eyes have ever witnessed -

Trouble focusing on the composition of sheer magnificence of feminine beauty displayed before me,

Increasing my blood flow and causing heart palpitations on the verge of cardiac arrestment.         

Surveillance starts at the Steve Madden noir stilettos fitted on knee high fishnet stockings 

attached delicately by a black bowed garter belt upon legs of silk,

Enhanced by a matching tiny black thong manufactured from lace and string,

Accentuating and magnifying the most perfect derriere god chiseled from marble,

Preceding the outline support of a stenciled and ebony embroidered Victorian corset,

Sculpts an alluring sex appeal that Victoria Secret angels proudly promenade in,  

Supplementing her voluptuous breasts that lustily entices most men to hunger for,

Complimented by a string of lavender pearls upon fresh ivory skin.

Hair of scarlet, soft and lush, Kissed by fire, with loose victory rolls 

cascading down over the shoulders following the curvature of her spine, 

Before settling upon the back cross hatching of the designer corset, Frame kind blue eyes, 

Forged in steel, surrounded by a light dusting of freckles on her milky complexion,

Reflecting a set of luscious lips pursed while applying the shade of crimson sex,

With the help of long opera black velvet gloves adorned by diamond bracelets –

Catches my ecstasy just enough for a wink! Before the stainless embossed pocket mirror snaps shut,

She looks up with the big ruby smile and in a slow, sultry voice says:

“Let the games begin!”

Symbiotic Strangers

Out at night

Strangers stalk

Faceless but exposed

All alone

UNKNOWN

Completely surrounded

Exposed but faceless

Classmates ignore

In the daytime

Dad thoughts #1 Bomb Difuser

Being a dad is a tough go in life, you can tell just by asking the wife Ha! Being a dad is like having your own personal paparazzi following you around and commenting about what you’re doing is wrong. Maybe that’s where the name comes from. Razzing papa? I dunno. But what I do know is you have the same tension you get from diffusing a neutron bomb and placing 2 toddler boys within the same vicinity of each other. Both situations require only minutes before one or the other ends up going off. I find distractions only give you minutes of cover before the situation at hand blows up in your face. Sometimes mom ends up being the collateral damage but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Her obituary could read something like “she was a kind woman, with an intelligent and devilishly handsome husband, (some would say dashing but not in a queer kind of way), a manly man, A man’s man, a man who has been rumored to bench press 800lbs. A husband like no other men before him, leaving behind 2 boys from the loins that represent the combined efforts of Macgyver and Sledge Hammer! (Ah man remember those shows? The 80’s were awesome - they sure don’t make them like that anymore) and 1 beautiful daughter, her cooking will be missed”        

Prologue (It’s been a long time)

So here it begins anew,

Years gone with none too few,

So much time spent lost and unheard,

Not prepared, not one word -

Just when I thought it was the end,

Here upon the page, lain my old friend,

My mind open, renewed, once again.

I call it by its true name

So today I thought I would write about a topic we parents like to avoid. The sort of topic that makes you look around the room when your kids are talking about it - to make sure no one else heard. My sons are getting older now and sooner or later they are going to learn it at school, So I thought I would break the ice and tell them in a form they would listen...the power through song: 

I call it by its true name.

So let's sing a song my sons,

about a word you should know,

it's the sort of song you sing about

when you gotta go,

It's a word that makes your mommy cringe

when you say it out loud,

So yell, and scream, and shout, and sing -

when you're in a crowd...

It's my

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It's the medical term so you can't get in trouble.

Up till now, you've heard it called by many different things,

Fun words like Tallywhacker and Giggle Stick, Ding Dong, or maybe Ding-a-Ling,

There's a lot more to teach you sons,

but your mother is listening,

Such as Trouser Snake and Pecker,

Dookie Kong or maybe even Prick,

But my favorite word that started it all was - Dick?

I'm kidding it's

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At least I didn't call it a Pork Sword.

Now I can see how red her face is,

your mom is really mad at me -

But the one thing that she can't deny

I extended your vocabulary!

Now I could have called it "The purple mayonnaise martian

from the planet of Uranus,"

But the one word you guys really want to say is:

It's my

Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis HEY!

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Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis Penis.....

And now my life is complete.